Monday, November 21, 2016
Monday, November 14, 2016
Happy myself!
For years I did not have a image of myself that I say that is the person I want to be. Thais happy me!
For days and weeks after my return to Kabul one image coming back to my mind again and again. I am thinking about that me. I know that moment that I will be live that person in real is may be very far and hard and the same time when I get there I may not be very happy but I know I will be happy about the person that I am.
It is hard to talk about it but that image is so with details that I can't ignore it. The kind of cloths that I wear, the street, the place, even the person who took that photo.
The best thing about it that that picture doesn't say any thing about my relationship, am i alone? maybe yes or no!
For days and weeks after my return to Kabul one image coming back to my mind again and again. I am thinking about that me. I know that moment that I will be live that person in real is may be very far and hard and the same time when I get there I may not be very happy but I know I will be happy about the person that I am.
It is hard to talk about it but that image is so with details that I can't ignore it. The kind of cloths that I wear, the street, the place, even the person who took that photo.
The best thing about it that that picture doesn't say any thing about my relationship, am i alone? maybe yes or no!
Sunday, November 13, 2016
tears ...
I cried last night. For a few days tears was behind my eyelids and waiting for a moment to fall and last night it happened. I had not any reason and I had thousands reasons to cry.
This country, this city, this life is not very cruel to me. I am cruel to myself. I am not kind with any one and I am more unkind to myself.
I don't have a clue what will happen to my life in next year or even next month but I need to keep calm and carry on. In the end every thing is going to be alright.
It seems so easy to write this words but last night every thing seems so imposible.
I have the most disturbing sleeps in my entire life but hopefully every thing getting normal.
I can't do other thing just keep trying and keeping my routines and hope for the best...
Sunday, November 6, 2016
lets good things happen ...
Last week was the worst week since my return to Kabul.
This week is a new start, hopefully good things happen to me this week.
I invited for 2 more job interview, both of them is kind of related to my ideal job. The first one is art research and the second one is also related to art and culture and humanitarian work.
For long time I really want some thing. I know this patience for good thing to happen it is not an easy thing to do but worst than that is doing something that you can't communicate or like or at least understand it.
The best move today was to moving to my new office, kind of rediscovering things that I already had but I did not see them.
I am coming to this office until I got better job and I am going enjoying working for myself! :)
This week is a new start, hopefully good things happen to me this week.
I invited for 2 more job interview, both of them is kind of related to my ideal job. The first one is art research and the second one is also related to art and culture and humanitarian work.
For long time I really want some thing. I know this patience for good thing to happen it is not an easy thing to do but worst than that is doing something that you can't communicate or like or at least understand it.
The best move today was to moving to my new office, kind of rediscovering things that I already had but I did not see them.
I am coming to this office until I got better job and I am going enjoying working for myself! :)
Friday, November 4, 2016
I am asking myself: when life get so hard?
I want simple things, a simple management job that doesn't evaluate my morals every day.
when every thing was get out of my control?
When world was get so cruel to me?
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am doing and in which direction my life is going...
I want simple things, a simple management job that doesn't evaluate my morals every day.
when every thing was get out of my control?
When world was get so cruel to me?
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I am doing and in which direction my life is going...
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
working in Afghan Government
why I am bothering myself to wrote in English?
I don't know.
Talking to people that they are thousands miles far from your personalities and values is frustrating. They can't understand you, you don't need them to understand you but you have to work with them. You have to force them to do the right thing from your perspective not theirs.
Managing these almost 200 people is not hard, what makes it hard is office politics that I am not used to it. I need to build a tea who accept, support and follow me.
I want today and tomorrow(weekend) to be mine but my mind is constantly go back to office and find some thing to think about it. mostly I am thinking of leaving the position and finding something easier to handle, more friendly and bearable work environment. As I mentioned, it is not work and managing people, it is politics that I usually hate it. From other side the possibilities of change that if the system help me to do is unbelievable.
It is first time that a women will sit on this chair and it is big deal!
I don't know.
Talking to people that they are thousands miles far from your personalities and values is frustrating. They can't understand you, you don't need them to understand you but you have to work with them. You have to force them to do the right thing from your perspective not theirs.
Managing these almost 200 people is not hard, what makes it hard is office politics that I am not used to it. I need to build a tea who accept, support and follow me.
I want today and tomorrow(weekend) to be mine but my mind is constantly go back to office and find some thing to think about it. mostly I am thinking of leaving the position and finding something easier to handle, more friendly and bearable work environment. As I mentioned, it is not work and managing people, it is politics that I usually hate it. From other side the possibilities of change that if the system help me to do is unbelievable.
It is first time that a women will sit on this chair and it is big deal!
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Kabul
I think I need to write. I need to put my thought out of my brain and share. I can't or I don't have much close friend to talk to.
I am not sure what is going to happen to me here in Kabul. Do I will survive or not. I am living here alone and lots of people know me here.
I scare some times. I scare if some thing happens to me, there is not much help or justice or punishment. No law is here or there is not much law here.
I miss my laughs, I miss my comfort and safety. some times I ask myself why I came back? I answer: I don't have other choice but I am not sure about my answer. We all have choices and we choose.
I am not sure what is going to happen to me here in Kabul. Do I will survive or not. I am living here alone and lots of people know me here.
I scare some times. I scare if some thing happens to me, there is not much help or justice or punishment. No law is here or there is not much law here.
I miss my laughs, I miss my comfort and safety. some times I ask myself why I came back? I answer: I don't have other choice but I am not sure about my answer. We all have choices and we choose.
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